My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she pinky promised me she was 18
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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