Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'