so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises