God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.