He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
