our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
