3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
