Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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