i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
