I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
