Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize