if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
