dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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