There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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