David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
