Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
