Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were trust falling into bushes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
