We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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