I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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