i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
