apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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