i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize