So drunk its hurt
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
