had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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