it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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