I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
