he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
