i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
