its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
