Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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