We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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