I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
