yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
