You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
