i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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