i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Barsexuality is the new black.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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