but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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