i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
