How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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