Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
