I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
