I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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