jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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