I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
