I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
