I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize