I just pynch a tree in the face
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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