I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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