Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
