Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
