I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
