FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
