Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
pray to the hookup gods
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
