i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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