how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize