great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
