Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
