The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
