You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
