god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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