you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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