I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
