someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
