im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
