cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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