i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
worst night to have a conscience
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
