i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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