508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
