I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
