I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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