I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
