i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
