i will never coherently bang her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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