My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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