the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the raccoons are back...
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