Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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