And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
