Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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